OK, so yeh i don't write this anymore but i thought i'd better explain.  Basically, it all got borught up in work and cause of stuff i have written in the past i'm not allowed to write anymore.  Well i suppose i probably could if i didn't mention any of that but i dunno. Not sure i wanna risk it all coming up again...too much shit went on when everyone found out about this.  Anyways, i have a new journal where i don't mention work and that but not gonna give out the addy cause it's just for those that know me. If i know ya and you wanna know, give me a shout. Thanks to the peeps that have kept reading this even now....

love ya's

Ruthie x

OK, wierd. So i haven't wrote in like forever and i've been gettin hits of about 300 a day on some occasions...why???? lol  

Been thinking about this, and not too sure if i wanna do this anymore  I mean, i do love writing my journal and i enjoy people reading it but when EVERYONE i know found out about it, everything changed.  So, i think i'm gonna start up a new one and keep it to myself.  Been writing in my own journal anyways so if i don't start a new one, i still got that...just a shame you guys don't, lol.

Anyways, gotta go...goin on a date, lol.  But will keep ya informed with what i decide to do.

love ya's

Ruthie x

I've missed ya's, lol.  Man it really has been a while, hasn't it? Oops  Anyways, better get straight to it...

Let me think, last time i wrote was Thursday so

Friday - Was soooo tired on Friday. After that stuff on Thursday i went to my bed and couldn't sleep.  Ended up textin Ian but texted Ian Laird by mistake.  Ended up phonin him and talking to him for an hour and a half, lol. Just spoke about work, and him being in hospital and how he goes out with Lynsey now...EVENTUALLY, lol.  Got off the phone to him about half 4 and had to get up at 7 so got like NO sleep, lol.  Work was alright from what i can remember, lol, which ain't much i'm afraid, heehee  At one point i had to serve Joe Keith...was sooooooo mortified!!!  I looked a right state  Now for those of you who don't know who Joe is, he was the guy i was kinda seeing before i went out with Stewart.  Was lovely and SOOO funny but after not going to his house one night (we can all guess what for) i never heard from him again.  Typical male, lol.  Also heard a story which pure freaked me out.  One of the guys in my work told me that his mum and her pal were out for a night out. While walking along the road a Pakistani guy dropped his wallet. The pal went to give him it back and he said 'One good deed deserves another'. She was all chuffed thinking she might get a reward...oh no, he told her ' Stay away from Central Station on Christmas Eve!!!'  Now either that guy was just bein plain nasty or that is WELL scary!!!

Saturday - Got up quite late and got all my pressies ready and stuff for work.  Went over and gave them out. Mark said he wasn't gonna open his till Christmas but he lied, lol  Says he liked it so hopefully he did  Left the Secret Santa pressie and passed out cards aswell.  Work consisted of getting a McDonald's for our lunch and then going to the cinema.  The McDonald's part was a bit rushed but was alright...free grub, i LOVE it, lol  Gettin to the cinema was a bit of a nightmare though  Colin decided that we should go to the UGC in the middle of Glasgow....yeh great idea - 18 kids weaving their way through Buchnan Street on the last Saturday before Christmas, lol  Mad, i tell you!!! Managed it ok though, thank god  I went to see "Lemony Snickets: A Series of Unfortunate Events". Was pretty good actually.  The boy in it was from something too but i cannot remember what..hate that  Got the kids back safe aswell, wahey!!!  Then came home. Wanted to go out but just stayed in and watched telly with Rach

Sunday - Got up about 11 and came online for a while. Then spoke to wee Rach and arranged to go to Braehead with her.  Got ready and made my way over. The bus was MOBBED!!!  Went to see the costumes we were to wear at hockey and nearly freaked..they were rotten  Spoke to Yvone and got told we were wearin them anywys, so guess i had to like it or lump it  Went and bought socks and shorts to wear under it and came home. Had to rush about having a bath and stuff cause i wanted to make sure i looked gorge!!!  And i did, lol  Had my brown outfit on - Brown boots, brown diamond tights, wee denim skirt, cream V-neck jumper. Looked sooo good, lol  So went down and had to have a drink to keep me goin, lol  Actually had a good giggle, heehee. Paul was starin at me all through the game  Will admit, i was lovin it, lol. Makes a nice change for me to get some attention  Afterwards he even stopped to talk to me  Spoke briefly but texted a lot when i got in, yay!!!  Started talking to a new guy off Faceparty aswell..he seems really nice

Monday - Today i started doing the sale prep in work. Was pretty good actually  I know, how wierd does that sound, but hey, i like to be kept busy.  Hardly got a chance to talk to Ian to see how he was but maybe tomorrow.  Sooo tired now, so think i'll go to my bed, lol. Was talking to my new guy again and he seems lovely, lol  

Anyways, must go get some beauty sleep and i will talk to you's tomorrow..maybe, lol.  

love ya's

Ruthie x

Have you ever done something you REALLY REALLY regret???  Well i think i just have. I fuckin know better about this kinda thing but noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, Ruth, being the bloody "dafty" that she is thought that it would be ok.  I was starting to believe the things they said and thought we were friends.  Now i'm just not so sure  It's not that but if this stuff gets out, i swear to god, i would be humiliated, degraded, and feel worse than i've ever felt in my life...and i'm trusting one person with all that!  I'm a fuckin idiot!!!!  One word to annoy them or anything and that's me screwed  Why the fuck am i sooo bloody stupid????  They already said they'd let other people know and i swear to god my bloody heart sank, i started cryin, i wanted to hit a wall...myself even, i absolutely shat it  They said that they were only jokin but how do i know they were????? Again, i gotta trust that one person  The only question now is...can i???

I don't know what to do...but "grow up" according to them. God i've NEVER been so mad at myself!!!!  I'm a fuckin, stupid, bloody idiot!!!!!!

love ya's

Ruthie x

So yesterday was kinda good, in some ways, lol. Saw a couple of people i know that made it a bit smilier. The first one was Mick Drummond (a current hockey player). Was chattin away asking for a discount and stuff, lol....yeh right  Was good to see him cause i heard he'd not been very well.  Then and OMG, this was a shocker  I saw Murray Johnston....wow-o-wow!!!!  He looked yummy, as always, and was wearing a Marks & Spencer's fleece...hhmmmm very intriguing  I mean, i knew his mum worked there but him??? Think i'll be goin to Marks's for my lunch more often, lol  He said 'alright' as he passed me.....yip, sure am now, heehee  Well seen i looked a right state though, lol...ah well  Och he's known me for a good few years now, probably seen me at my worst anyways, lol  Work wasn't too bad either, did a few things and had to plan a move for Emma...just hope she understood it  lol.

So decided, i'm gonna make a bit of an effort today, lol. Don't know who i might run into  Straightened my hair last night, so hoping it stays ok today and doesn't go mega frizzy  Decided i might make an effort on Sunday aswell. I'm not dancing anyways so may aswell make myself look stunnin for the boys, heehee  Planned my outfit, i think, and gonna make sure i look gorgey, heehee  

Well, just now i'm away to dome some more Christmas shopping.  Was gonna go to Glasgow but it's raining  so think i'll just stick with Braehead and see what i can do. If i can't get stuff i want, i might go to Glasgow on Sunday instead.  Can't believe it's like only 9 days or something till Christmas either  Starting to run out of days to shop, lol.  Oh well, lol. I'm sure i'll get everything i need...don't worry peeps, heehee  

Anyways, better go and finish gettin ready then off to Braehead. Talk to ya's soon sweetie pies,

love ya's

Ruthie x

God i am soooo tired!!!  Been like that a lot lately, just wanna go to my bed as soon as i get in from work  But does Ruth do the wise thing and actually go to her bed....no, do i chook, lol  So i'm sure THAT doesn't help, lol.  Anyways, today.....

Woke up to the sound of the postman ringin the doorbell, ggrrr!!!  I eman geez, it was 20 to 9!!!  Do they really have to deliver things that early in the morning  Wasn't mad for long though cause it was my Von Dutch hat, wahey!!!  Rach says i'm not allowed it till Christmas but i opened it up and tried it on a wee bitty and it looks well cool, lol  Managed to get to sleep again though so that was ok

Got up later on and went to work  lol. No Karen though  Had heaps to do today cause Stevie decided he wanted a bit of Ladies moved so had to get that done  I like it when i got stuff to do, and no i don't mean chasing after gimp staff to make sure they're doing what they're supposed to be doing  I mean when i get to do what i'm good at it and get right in there  Ok, that aounded a bit dirrty but ya know what i mean, lol.  Was freakin out a bit all day cause my lips been feeling kinda funny.  It feels like i've burnt it and it's all tight and that, but i've not so i'm worried that it might be a cold sore  I dunno cause i've never had one befroe but i don't want one!!!  They can turn out to be horrible, scabby wee things  I used some Blistezt on it though and that seemed to help a bit so i'll buy some more tomorrow and try kill this thing off before it starts  Was also worried about Sunday. You see we're supposed to be cheerleading and i made sure Rach swapped her shifts and everything to get it off but then realised i might be working   Went to ask Stevie about it and found out the rota had already been done  It's cool though....i'm off on Sunday  lol

Got home about 10 past 11 and decided, ya know what i WILL put that pic of me on Faceparty.  Basically, this is a photo of me with no bra on, lol.  lol. Was thinking about it the other day and spoke to Ian about it but decided against it cause i didn't want people to start judgning me just on that one pic, but today i decided bugger it!!!  If guys are gonna be shallow enough to rate me or message me just for that then i wanna see this....and ya know what??? They're playing right into my hands, hahaha  I've had about 1,500 visits to my page since puttin the pic on and about 12 messages from guys, hahahaha.  So superficial i tell you, lol. But, hey, i'm gainin confidence in my body (not from the guys opinions etc) but having enough guts to put the pic on it in the first place so at elast that's worked out well for me  

Been thinking again and i REALLY REALLY have to start tryin to think about me more!!!  I spend so much time worrying about what others think and trying to please them that i can sometimes just not be me.  So i'm gonna try harder to be what i wanna be, say what i want, do what i want and wear what i want!!!  I'm not sain it'll be easy and i'll always stick to it but i'm gonna try. At least i'll be stayin true to myself and not bein fake!!!  Let's just see how it goes, eh??? lol

Anyways, gonna go cause i really need to get to my bed soon, lol  Talk to ya's tomorrow maybe. Ya'll come back now hear?!?!?! hahaha

love ya's

Ruthie x

Actually can't believe how long i've left it to write.  This is the longest ever between posts. Guess i just been worried baout what i write on this nowadays.  It's like i can't write what i want anymore but what i think i'll get away with writing.  It shouldn't be like that though. I should be able to write what i feel, what i want and tough shit to the peple that read it, but nooooo!!!!  Not anymore anyways!!!

So, i tryin to think of what you've missed.....not much to be honest.  Work on Friday was alright. Was on an early and got away pretty much on time so that was good.  After it, Rach came and met me and we went Christmas shoppin, yay!!!  Was mobbed but managed to get a few things which is a good start  Will get some more next week when i get paid and get the money Rach owes me too  

Yesterday was ok too. Was working in the youth club and Mark came in.  Was a bit embarrassed at first but we fine so i soon got over it  Was winding him up about what i got him and he was doing the same back.  Only clues he gave me were 'carrot' and that it's black?!?!?!  Yeh, i know. If you're as dirrty as me and any of my pals i know exactly what you're thinking, lol  But i dunno, maybe it is that...doubt it though, lol  

Came home and started to tidy up.  I did my room and the bathrrom and Rach made sure the hall was ok  Then i went for a bath and made myself al nice for Ian coming up  Was great cause i've not sen him in soooo long.  Watched some telly and got loadsa hugs  And god i needed them, wahey!!!  We were up til after 5am, ya know having fun  I love being next to him cause he hugs ya real close and makes ya feel all special  Slept for ages this morning though, lol. Didn't get up till about half 3 i think it was, teeheehee  Walked Ian down the bus and then was actually inspired enough to walk back up the road  I know...me walking, SHOCKER!!! lol  So now i home and i still knackered  Gotta go to work in a few mins for a staff meeting. Can't be arsed but better go, lol.  

Well, i suppose i'd better go and head to the bus stop. Will maybe write more later, if not i'll try write tomorrow.

love ya's

Ruthie x

Well i don't know what's going on anymore?!?!?!?!

With the whole stuff going round work, i thought it might be over cause i spoke to the person invovled and it sounded as if we were cool  but people still keep going on about it as if they know about the stuff i write  I'm sorry, if any of you read this but the stuff i write is MY opinions and i AM allowed those.  I might not think some of it now but i'm not gonna take it back and i don't regret anythin that's in this.  So i'm sorry but tough

With my love life, i just don't know.  I've not heard from Paul in a few days now and that's just not like him.  I guess maybe he's lost interest or has moved onto another girl.  Ah well, you win some, you lose some. I seem to be losing more than i'm winning right now though  Can't it ever just be the case that i win one...just one!!!  heehee

Ya know what...was gonna write more and i can't be bothered, having a cool chat with Ian now.  Oh, that reminds me i just wanna wish my bestest Ian L a really quick recovery.  He's in hospital just now and i hope he's ok  Sending hugs  and kisses  and to let ya know...we're all thinking of ya  We love ya honey!!!

Anyways, gonna head now cause i'm tired and i really need a good sleep.  Will talk to ya's all tomorrow probably,

love ya's

Ruthie x

OK, so work's been shit!!!!  A good few things pissing me off but it's funny, i actually not in that bad a mood on a whole.  Feelin ok to be honest.  Will tell ya the thigns annoyin me though.....

1. Seems that someone in work has found out about this journal and is going round saying they're gonna print it and put it up around the work  If they're reading it now, not funny!!! I would NEVER do that to you so don't appreciate you thinking about doing it to me.  It doesn't matter that this is online, it's one thing people coming on and reading it that don't know me, but it's a whole different thing someone being nasty enough to print up my personal stuff and put it round places where the people know me and know the peeps i talk about  Giving them the benefit of the doubt though and hopin i know them well enough to know they actually wouldn't do that

2. I'm so sick and tired of getting shitty hours to cover my section with and then either the shittiest staff or no staff at all.  They don't give a shit about Ladies but expect me to make things work..yeh sure!!!!!

3. Another thing i am REALLY REALLY sick of is finding out about people bitching about me behind my back or sayin shit that's as harsh as fuck.  OK so i didn't meet up with JD for the night out and stayed with my Ibrox lot.  Does that actually mean my manager is allowed to come out with the comment that he's gonna pull me in the office to find out where my priorities lie, with my full time job or my part time job cause i can't even go out for a night out with them...WTF?!?!?!?!?  Excuuuuuuse me if at the last night out i left feeling degraded, ugly and stupid and i did NOT wanna go through that again. I think it's quite in my rights to decide not to go  Not chuffed by that comment one bit!!!

But anywaaaays, let's get off the bad stuff, lol.  <---- heehee, tis me  So, other than that today and yesterday been pretty boring. Didn't get in till half 11 last night.  Just went on the comp and chatted to a few peeps  then went to bed. Today after work i just bummed about he shops a bit with Susan then came home. Thinkin of straightenin my hair tonight  Dunno though, will see how energetic i get, lol  

Anyways, gonna go the now and i'll talk to ya's later, byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,

love ya's

Ruthie x

HHmmmmm, i got so much going on in my head the now and it's driving me mad  I just want it to all go away  I mean i don't really want the stuff to go away as such but i wish i could just get it all sorted and my mind would be clear  Ah well....

So yestrday i didn't have any time at all to write in this. Was sooo busy rushing about tryin to get stuff for last night.  Had to get an outfit, toiletries and my secret santa pressie.  Didn't get in till just after 6 and was suposed to be gettin Mark at half past...SOOOOOO didn't happen, lol.  Quickly got changed and made myself look gorge, heehee  Actually must've worked a bit cause i looked quite nice me thinks, lol  Picked Mark up and went out to the Ibrox part of the night.  Had a pretty yummy meal in the stadium then boogied away at the disco thing they had on.  Was a good laugh and i got soooooo drunk, too drunk, lol  Ended up sittin on Mark's knee outisde with his jacket over me...STEAMER!!!  Got a lift home from Sarah's dad so was sittin in the back with Mark, and let's just say we had a bit of fun, but sshhh  that's dirrty, lol. Bit wierd that it was with Mark but i wasn't complainin, heehee  Came home and crashed out was soo tired

So today i've done nothing. Just bummed about the house thinking about stuff.  Really starting to think i like a guy a whole lot (though i did already like him quite a bit) but i know i'll never get him....yet again!!!  He doesn't like me the way i like him and i'll need to get used to it.  Ah well. Been thinkin about other stuff but can't really be bothered going into it right now.  Will just have a nice long bath and go to my bed i think.  Talk to ya's later, byeeeeeeeeeeeeee

love ya's

Ruthie x